The All Alien Team

"Welcome to the show! My name is Sanjaya, former American Idol star. I am hosting this show after Dan Patrick found me eating out of a dog bowl while wearing a leatard and a boyscout belt complete with matching merit badges in an alley behind a Tesoro gas station. Wow! My career is already over."

"Anywho....This award show is to recognize the all ugly, the alien, and the plain phugly that the NBA has to offer."

The first group is the all NBA Alien Team

3. Reggie Miller

2. Dirk Nowitzki

1. Poor Sam Cassell

The MVP of this league is definitely Sam Cassell. I have always wondered why when I see him on TV I throw Reeses Pieces at the TV screen. Now I know.

Dirk has so much against him. He is over a 6"10 European. Not only that, but he is German. That is a recipe for ugly. Doesn't he kind of look like the bearded lady you see at the circus? And now he is slowly morphing into Predator.

And Reggie, I won't say anything mean about him because his sonic ears can probably hear me typing. He might beam down from Klingon land and Spock my neck or something.

Now we move on to the Contendors for "The Missing Link, Neanderthal of the Year award." The long time reign of George Mureson may finally be over, as this years paleolithic people take center stage:

The contendors are: Rock roll please....

Ha Seung-Jin, Chris Kaman, DJ Mbenga

Tough choice, because really all of these guys could easily replace the cavemen in the Geico commercials. I could easily see Chris Kaman saying "Why? Because therapists are smart? My mothers on the line, I will put her on speaker..."

But really the clear choice winner is the Korean Encino Man. Ha Seung-Jin looks like he has been frozen on top of a whooly mammoth for 10,000 years and just thawed out. Add a club to his hand and an astonished face when he sees us light a fire, and he should be awarded the stone slab for Mesazoic Man of the year.

The next award goes to "Goonies 2, Sloth's Brother"

"Goonies 2 has been in the works for years, but the search for the actor that will play Sloth's Brother has finally ended. Thanks to the NBA there were a number of contestants.

Popeye Jones, Charlie Villanueva, and Joakim Noah. Tough, tough choice. You ever hear of those people who have a stroke and one side of the face dies? I think this happen to Popeye Jones....7 times. He seems to have that look in his eyes like a train is always seconds away from plowing through him.

Charlie Villanueva is that same boogie-man you thought was in your closet when you were 6. He looks like someone who is a stalker, axe murderer and collects rare lunchboxes. Really I would never approach him as I am sure if he wasn't an NBA basketball player his next career would be collecting souls for the devil.

Noah? What is going on? His mom was a super model! I am convinced that Noah was injected with Wildebeest genes accidently instead of his small pox vaccine. His face looks like it is about to be put on a Mcdonalds hamburger bun and sold as a Big Mac. Just nasty!

And in a major upset. Joakim Noah wins. Popeye Jones was a close second. But Noah just has so much potential to get even uglier. A few more elbows to his already goat-like face and i am sure one of his eyes will be near his chin, and his teeth are moving away from each otherlike some one just ripped one.

And please let us know who you think is THE UGLIEST NBA PLAYER OF THE YEAR.

More awards coming soon!